Kindergarten Economics 101

by Tom Sullivan

Shannon’s People, who vigorously deny they are partly fictional, were teachers aids when they overheard this dialogue about economics.

KINDERGARTEN ECONOMICS 101

We are in a kindergarten class with little chairs and tables and colorful drawings on the walls. Sunshine streams in the windows as a plump teacher in an ankle length dress enters busily with today’s lesson.

Teacher: Good morning children!
Children: Good morning Miss Ratface.
Teacher: Pursuing her lips and smiling: Now we remember how to pronounce my name, ‘Rathfaacee.’
Children again: Good morning Miss Ratface.
Teacher: Now that’s better. Today children we are going to indoctrinate, I mean, learn about really, really bad monsters.
Children: Ohoooooooooooooo!
Teacher: Who knows what a Monster is?
Johnny: A monster takes candy away from children.
Teacher: That’s tight. The Monsters lives in a dark cellar, and at night eats up everyone’s candy and cake.
Juleen Ann: How do we know the Monster exists? My dad says they don’t.
Teacher: The nice man at the White House says they exist, and he gives them names - Fox, Hannity, Limbaugh, and Conservatives, the same bad men you hear about on the evening news.
Rodney: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: You can but you will miss finding out how bad these monsters are.
Rodney: Are they as bad as the old monster, Bush?
Teacher: No these monsters are even worse, because they spread rumors about our President's socialist laws!
Rodney: I was just leaving but can these monsters be too rich? My mom says you can’t be too thin or too rich.
Teacher Ignoring Rodney: Hillerine; Do you know where food and clothes come from?
Hillerine: Yes. It is the same as last week, the wonderful Federal Government gives us what we need.
Teacher: Children, the evil monsters should be in the labor-camps our Presidents is building for Limbaughs and Fox.
Children, fearfully: Ohghh. Nooooooooooooo! Monsters should be re-educated. They are so mean. They are as evil as the Tea Party!
Teacher: Now, now children, remember we must be respectful even to people who don't appreciate our loving government.
Teacher: That’s right. Now the party that gives us open borders for people who will vote Democrati and is fighting the monsters for us.
Rodney: My party is next week. I want a phone that takes pictures.
Teacher: This Party is the Dem – o – cra - tic Party, and they give us government benefits to everyone who votes for them. They care.
Children: Silence.
Teacher: They will make the monsters stop telling tales about our President, even if they are true.
Charleen: Do these monsters live in New York?
Teacher, exasperated: I guess they live in apartments and steal from the poor making less than $250 thousand a year. I don’t know where they live! My union says I don’t have to know. I only have to read these talking points and teach self-confidence.
Fritz standing: My mom says I am too full-of-it. Since I already have it, can I go home now?
Teacher: No Fritz you may not, and everyone else sit down. We are not finished here. Who can name the Party that cares for us?
Brilette: I know. It’s the same as last week The Democrats protect us from stores like Wal-Mart and ToysЯus.
Teacher: So let’s review what we learned about economics. We learned that the conservative Monsters, are telling truthful stories about Health Care and scaring people.
Teacher: That is all for today children. Remember now my name is pronounced, ‘Rathfaacee.’
Children: Good night Miss Ratface.

2008Tom Sullivanspan>