"Hey Honey We're Home!"

It’s Osama bin Laden’s house in the early evening, and Mrs. Ben Laden is sitting quietly sewing her veil. Suddenly the door is thrown open, and three Osama bin Ladens enter.

In unison they say: “Hey Honey, We’re home!”

Not flustered, Mrs. bin Laden asks: “Well, which of you is the real
Osama?

The bin Laden on the left pulls outs a Book and says: “It is me honey, you see I still have it turned to the page that says a woman must always obey her man.”

Mrs. bin Laden: “Well it’s not you, my real Osama doesn’t have to quote from the Book for me to obey him.”

Then Osama in the middle, strips down to his swimming shorts, and grabbing an al-Qaeda towel printed “Cole 2000” exits to go swimming in the compound pool.

Mrs. Bin Laden Speaks to the remaining Osama: “Well it could have been him. But tell me Mr. ‘Remaining Osama,’ I have a test for you. What are the names of your other wives?”

Flustered, Mr. Remaining Osama says: “I’m sorry dear, but with the Americans and everyone else chasing me, I can’t possibly remember their names.”

Mrs. Bin Laden: “You can remember whose head you cut off, who you tortured, how your funds come from Iran, but – but you can’t keep track of your family?”

Suddenly the door opens and in strides another Osama.
The new Osama: “My Darling I’m so glad you saw the three previous Osamas’ for what they were, body doubles. I keep them just to drive the CIA nuts, by letting them see me on satellite in three different places at once!”

Mrs. Bin Laden ”Oh yes dear, but would you please point to the spot on the map where you have been hiding?”

Bin Laden: “Certainly dear, right here in the mountains of Pakistan with my fourth and fifth wives Tueerneka and Zishhnerpu.”

Mrs. Bin Laden: “Oh my true Osama you have proven yourself. Now don’t take too long in your torture chamber, dinner will be ready shortly.”

Osama: “I won’t dear, I just need enough time to get your brother MeMonk to confess.”

Mrs. Bin Laden: “Confess to what?”

Osama: “He looked at me strangely the other day, and it makes me suspicious.”

Mrs. Bin Laden: “Don’t you know, it’s his false eye that gives him that look, it’s nothing.”

Osama: “OK my Princess, but if he were my brother, and gave me that look, I would shoot him, and let mad dogs chew him up!”

Mrs. Bin Laden: “You are so wonderful to our family. I hope we have someone left to assume the throne when the time comes.”

Osama: “I am sorry, it is taking longer to scare away the Americans than planned. I have a firm deal with the Democrat Party, that as soon as they get their cut-and-run legislation passed, the country will be ours.”

“We have recruits from Saudi Arabia, Iran, Syria and Marxist Youth from Moscow. But we have to move faster. Americans are flying over my cave night and day. Some planes have NO PILOT but shoot at my men anyway. Some complain about the war dragging on, but they don't have to live in a cave!”

Mrs. Bin Laden smiles, touching the automatic under her shawl, knowing that while Osama spent all his family inheritance on explosives, she can make $25 million - - when ever she wants the reward.”

© 2008 Tom Sullivan